Bed Rest Day 5- You're Doing This.

Woke up in the hospital this morning and got a sonogram before I got breakfast.  There's still fluid around the baby but not necessarily any more than there was before.  Poor little thing looks pretty scrunched in there without fluid to fill up the sack :(  On the plus side, heart beat is still strong.  It's a fighter!

Talked to a different specialist who laid things out for us and it made for a rough morning.  Basically the odds are against this baby.  Chances are I will either get an infection and have to terminate or my body will go into labor (could happen anytime) and we'll lose baby.  Then we went down the rabbit hole and started talking about the what-if's of IF I can carry to viability.  The statistics for preemies are pretty scary.  I won't go into details because I'm trying to put it out of my mind and focus on the day-to-day.  It was a rough morning.

We got discharged and checked into the hotel which was a giant relief- our hospital room was small and cramped and our hotel room is awesome.  I am so lucky to have such an amazing brother and sister-in-law who so generously gave up their points to put us up for the week.  Thank you so much Aaron and Megan!

I was feeling pretty low and decided to take a shower to relax a bit.  I sat in the shower (I have to sit, it's part of the bed rest conditions) thinking about the morning and suddenly I was admonishing myself:

"You're doing this.  You. Are. Doing. This.  You're doing this. Suck it up, soldier up.  You. Are. Doing. This."

Blessings today:
My husband- he is the best partner I can imagine.
This awesome hotel and my awesome brother and sister in-law.  The hotel has been extremely helpful and accommodating.
My mom- apart from the obvious fact that she's the best, she went to the grocery store after we got to the hotel and stocked up the fridge.
My in-laws supporting and encouraging us and planning to come up tomorrow with our car.
My friend Anne from Michigan is going to pay us a visit tonight- I haven't seen her in 6 years and it will be great to see a friend.
My friend Bob Dane hooked us up with some contacts in the area that have already reached out to us today.
My friend Karen who I've known since birth but haven't seen in years messaged me on facebook and offered to donate HER Marriott rewards points if we needed them after this week.  I am humbled by the generosity of friends.
All of our friends on facebook and otherwise that have expressed good wishes and prayers of support- we are uplifted by these prayers- I think we're surviving on prayer right now and we are running out of steam ourselves so it's comforting knowing others are praying too.
Watching Ellen :) She cracks me up.  I needed to laugh.

Praying for healing and peace today.  Simple as that.  Because I Am Doing This.

Bed Rest Diaries

Today is Day 4 of bed rest and I've been thinking about blogging since Day 1 when I woke up at 4:00 AM with Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" in my head- specifically the line "Is this the real life?".  I woke up Justin (who was sleeping on the hardwood floor in my hospital room) to ask him who sings it.  For some reason I was thinking Aerosmith which I knew was wrong but the guess made Justin laugh.  He of course knew it was Queen.  I explained that my familiarity with the song is 100% because of the 1992 hit movie Wayne's World which I've probably seen over a thousand times.

Justin then asked if I'd ever seen the video of the drunk guy singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" in the back of a police car.  I hadn't.  So of course, I had to see it right then, at 4:00 AM in my hospital room.  I was not disappointed.

"Are you gonna cuff me?  Phhh.  Physical violence is the least of my priorities."

It was the laugh I needed at 4:00 in the morning.

Justin and I had had a successful cross country trip- it actually went really smoothly.  We spent some good time in Iowa with our families and they are all really happy to have us back in the area.

We got to Champaign/Urbana on Tuesday July 23rd to look for a place. We did finally find a house that had been for sale but the buyer's financing fell through and the seller decided to rent- our good fortune!  

Anyway, Tuesday night I started leaking fluid pretty substantially.  Long story short it turns out I ruptured a membrane and essentially my water broke so there's not enough amniotic fluid around the baby. At first the prognosis was pretty dire- we were told that we would likely have to terminate the pregnancy.  I've been in the hospital on bed rest since Thursday.   Thursday night the specialist visited us and when he left Justin and I both said we felt like we'd had a visit from an angel.  He told us about his experience with this type of case- particularly when this happened to his own sister- and he basically gave us a reason to hope.  Friday they did another ultrasound and the good news is there is SOME fluid around the baby- enough for the critical lung development that needs to happen in the next month- but not enough to carry to term (at this point).  Other good news is that baby looks good- strong heartbeat, good measurements, got all its organs etc.  that means baby CAN produce more amniotic fluid- the trick is that I have to NOT leak it AND the biggest worry is that because baby is exposed by the leak it is vulnerable to infection which would mean game over.  

At this point we are praying that the rupture would heal itself- it's not overly common but it is possible and would give baby the best shot.  Even if it doesn't heal, it is possible that with bed rest I could keep enough fluid in for baby to survive.  Barring any infection or more fluid loss I am looking at some significant bed rest- like up to 5 months.

I'm in the hospital until Monday (tomorrow) at least when they plan to do another ultrasound and see where we're at.  If I don't have less fluid they will probably discharge me to go "home" and be on bed rest, but I'll have appointments twice a week to keep a close eye on baby and make sure that no infection happens.  If I can carry the baby to viability (24 weeks) they would likely re-admit me to the hospital where I would likely stay until I deliver, which would likely be no later than 34 weeks.

Welcome to Illinois!

So, needless to say, there are lots of unknowns in our world right now.  

But there are blessings too!

We are so blessed to be so close to home- my mom has been here since it happened and has been able to be here with me when Justin isn't.  My in-laws are at the ready and will probably be here this week when my mom leaves. Between our two families being so close by I know that they will do everything they can to support us.  My brother has used his rewards points to secure us a hotel room for the next week free of charge- a huge financial and physical blessing.  We are going to be able to get into our new place earlier than we thought because the guy we are renting from is awesome- and he's even going to leave a bed for us since our furniture won't get here from California until the 9th.  We are blessed.

We have been blessed by all of our wonderful friends with prayer, phone calls, texts, flowers, balloons and more.

Our friend Dan called his dad Chris who is a pastor in Wisconsin and Chris promptly called a pastor here in Champaign who came to visit us in the hospital.  He even found a couple of people who would be willing to put us up when we are discharged since our new place isn't ready yet.  

We were blessed by a couple of other members of that church who stopped by to introduce themselves and prayed for us.

We were blessed with a visit from Dan's parents Chris and Becky who provided us with great encouragement and even went on a wild goose chase in search of a new phone charger for Justin's ancient phone.  While they were on the wild goose chase and sharing our situation with the employee at the Verizon store, a stranger offered to help, took them to Sam's Club and then even gave them cash to give to us because he wanted to help.  We are blessed.

We have been blessed by the hospital employees- we are in a great facility with some amazing medical professionals that are taking great care of me.  They haven't lost hope and that keeps us hopeful.  We are blessed.

We are blessed, but the need is great, so if you're reading this, and you're the praying kind, PRAY!  Pray that the Lord would work a miracle in my body and that the leak would reseal.  Pray that I would be protected from infection.  Pray for Justin as he has a new job to prepare for and meanwhile a whole bunch more responsibilities and worries.  Pray that God would provide us with friends.  Pray for our marriage- we are strong but any relationship can be strained under these conditions- pray that God would keep us strong and solid.

I'll try to update this blog, I know I've told so many people already that I would keep them updated, so maybe this is a good way.  

The other thing circulating in my head on that first night in the hospital is a chant I used to hear- I can't remember if it was at youth group or camp or what:

"God is good, all the time

All the time, God is good."

Dar's Chicken Salad

I was never big on chicken salad until I had it at my friend Dar's house.  She didn't give me the recipe at the time- she basically just told me what was in it and I've tried to re-create it multiple ways over the years.  I just like to call it "Dar's Chicken Salad" because she was a good friend who is up in heaven now.

My latest spin on this chicken salad is to use a rotisserie chicken instead of cooking it myself.  Not only is a rotisserie chicken TOTALLY delicious, but it also saves me some time. :)

You should make this, today.  Here's my (current) version with approximate measurements (I usually just eyeball it), but feel free to doctor it in your own special way- that's totally something Dar would have done.


Dar's Chicken Salad
Ingredients:
1 Rotisserie chicken
1 red apple
1 green apple
1 c green grapes
1 c red grapes
1/2 c craisins
1/4 c ranch dressing
1/2 c mayonnaise

First you have to skin and de-bone the chicken.  Prepare to get greasy!  Cut the apples into small pieces (I like to leave the skin on because it makes for a colorful salad!) and cut the grapes in half.  Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and toss with a wooden spoon.  Add ingredients as needed to your taste- I usually just eyeball all of it so the measurements above are just estimates.

Enjoy with sourdough bread or crackers!  It's addicting!

How old are you?

One of my 5th graders today noticed a zit on my cheek and says:
"What is that, a bug bite on your face?"

To which I replied: "No, it's a zit"

She gets this really confused look on her face and says "Wait, how old are you?" like she can't imagine an adult with a zit.

Oh honey- I hate to break it to you....

Nostalgia

Today I was giving a voice lesson and my little student wanted to sing "On My Own' from Les M.iserables.  She loves the song (really, who doesn't?) but she's WAY too young for me to assign it to her and I really want her working in her head voice anyway so it's not right for her right now.  My response to her was that I wasn't going to assign it for voice lessons but that she should ALWAYS feel free to sing anything that she loves to sing because if you love to sing it, it's good for the soul.

Why is it that I hardly ever take that advice?  I remember in high school I'd sing all day and night- all of my favorites that NEVER got assigned in voice lessons- M.iss S.aigon, G.rease, Les Mis.erables etc. etc. I hardly EVER sing like that anymore.  (Which my neighbors probably appreciate!)

Teaching private voice lately has made me want to sing that old stuff that I used to sing (my students are way into musical theater).  One of them was singing "Till There Was You" from "The M.usic Man" and I was transported back to high school.

It never ceases to amaze me how the older we get, the easier it is to romanticize the past.  High school really feels like such a distant and fuzzy memory to me lately and it's like I can barely remember the parts that I didn't like but the parts that I loved are amplified- this crazy nostalgia is so funny!  It must be one of the consolations of aging- nostalgia and selective memory!

Nieces and Nephews

I have six now. Three of each. They are all awesome and I had a really great time seeing all of them when we went home to visit. I have some funny videos too but my computer isn't cooperating at the moment, so I'll just try to upload the pics for now.

Abby and Kyle's oldest, and the oldest of the six, Ryan, turned 3 in July and we got to help him celebrate!
Their youngest, Gracie, celebrated spaghetti night in a BIG way:
My brother Aaron and his wife Megan's oldest, Wyatt, spent some quality time with Aunt Rachael and Uncle Justin:

And Henry, their baby, caught Uncle Justin in a more lively moment :)
We got to meet Neve Noelle, Graham and Marie's newest addition and the youngest of the six- she is an ANGEL baby!

And their oldest, Audrey, in the bouncehouse at Ryan's birthday party:

Three of the six getting in some quality snuggles with their favorite aunt (I'm allowed to say that since I'm the only one who isn't "mom" to any of them) :)

Love them all!

DON'T JUDGE ME HULU!!!

Listen, I know my readers (ahem...mom) want to see pictures from our Iowa trip. I'll get to it, I promise. The pictures are actually uploading as we speak. I just have to vent about Hulu going all judgey on me just now.

So I like to put something on the computer while I'm cooking- I made a delicious turkey meatloaf tonight and so I had a random episode of Grey's anatomy playing while I cooked- I was hardly watching it, but it's sometimes nice to just have the company of one of your favorite shows playing in the background.

Then, once the food is in the oven, I switched to "Bachelor Pad". I know I know- crappy television. But I got sucked into the last season of "The Bachelor" which then lead me to get sucked in to "The Bachelorette" which then lead me to "Bachelor Pad"- because characters carry over and I'm interested in seeing what happens to them.

Listen, if Hulu had in some way judged me for watching "Bachelor Pad" I probably would have chuckled and agreed with it. But that's not what happened.

So the first episode of "Bachelor Pad" was in THREE parts- I actually heard on the radio that when it aired on TV last night, with regular commercial breaks, it actually lasted longer than "Dances With Wolves". I knew what I was getting into, but Justin was out playing basketball and I knew he had a meeting with a friend later tonight, so I had the time to kill.

It was long and ridiculous (and seriously, Vienna is a witch!) and then it comes to a close and the credits are rolling and all of a sudden a message from hulu pops up that says:

"Need a break? You've been watching for more than 3 hours."

Um, seriously? DON'T JUDGE ME HULU!!! First of all, I wasn't watching for more than three hours, I was watching for about 2 hours and 2o minutes. Secondly- WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME??"

Seriously.