It's Getting Better All the Time

I can't believe we are more than halfway through March already. Less than 3 months of school left and only a week left before spring break. Wow.

I've been feeling much closer to normal- physically and emotionally- these last couple of weeks. I'm still prone to fits of sadness and (although I hate to admit this) bitterness. It's hard losing a pregnancy, especially when you're 30-going-on-31 and it seems like EVERYONE around you is pregnant. It's hard. But I'm tough, or at least I try to be. And I don't like feeling sorry for myself, so it's been a rough couple of months but I'm feeling much more normal these days.

****TMI alert- if you are squeamish about girl stuff, don't read this paragraph :) ****
I was talking to my friend Katherine yesterday and said how it was weird but I was actually excited when I got my period this week. I've been a little nervous because I thought it would come about a week earlier and I've read online (bad idea) about people who didn't get a period for two months after their HCG levels normalized. Luckily that wasn't me, but I giggled with her about how it was weird to be "happy" about bleeding from your vagina. :) Crude, I know, but you have to admit it is weird and sort of funny- especially since it was NOT funny two months ago. :(

So now I have an ultrasound with the OB/GYN next week to decide if I am ready for the Hysterosalpingogram (aka HSG, this is the dye test where they check my tubes). I'm surprisingly not that nervous. Maybe it's because I'm feeling physically normal and am hopeful that she'll give me the green light to go ahead with the HSG which would mean "trying" again as soon as next month. We'll see. If I don't get the green light, I know I'll be bummed, but what can you do? Wait, hope, trust.....that's going to have to be my mantra.

In the meantime I'm navigating a social life filled with pregnant people, one of which happens to be one of my best friends here in SB- JoAnn. We actually got pregnant at the same time, about a week apart and were THRILLED to get to do this together.... now it's just weird. Of course I'm still thrilled for her- and I know I'm going to LOVE little Olive/Cosmo (those are their names, so cute) but it is a little tricky in the emotion department. As my sister-in-law so rightly put it: Every milestone she hits will be a milestone you aren't hitting and that will be hard.

No two ways about it- that sucks. But you know what? I love babies. I've always loved babies and kids (hello, I'm a teacher) and none of the babies/kids I've loved have ever been "mine". How much more will I love my best friend's baby? So much.

Wait, hope, trust.